What a beautiful, poignant and important essay to read on Mother's Day. I'm so lucky to have read it today.
The pictures of your mom and you and your mom and sister are just so precious and I see that fierceness of love you write about in your mother's arms and eyes.
Such a different story, but I am relating (which is what happens when we write and share to the public), I know my mother fought fiercely to be a mother too. And you know I did as well. And you helped me through your work become a mother and even named my child during a private consultation, but the naming was one of the most important parts of helping me meet my child halfway.
Your essay reminded me the thing I miss so much about my mother was her softness and tenderness. I had that.
You ask your readers to opine, Where does it hurt honey, it hurts in my heart, I miss that sweet softness and tenderness so much. That is the part I wish I could trust to rely on in myself and I recognize more than anything I don't think I can live without in my marriage. The thing I also realized is I can find that softness and trust in that everlasting tenderness through the ultimate mother within me. I can provide that kindness to myself. If only...I still struggle.
Just a beautiful, beautiful piece, starting with God as you write about the force, as a she.
The sentence ",,,the crime of being born." Catastrophic feeling, realization, described like that. No words.
Thank God your mother kept choosing life after everything and so much loss, and grief, and you pass on that message to everyone in your work, your words, your way, and you help people choose life if that's what they want and fight for it. You certainly helped me choose life when all I saw was grief everywhere, when my mother passed away, unexpectedly.
I printed this piece out and put it in my current / journal / notebook. I love when you write a piece -- always, always I learn, feel and like when I talk with you, see so many things differently.
You really open up eyes!
Your books, essays always open my eyes for sure.
Today on Mother's Day I will give myself a gift, the gift of the Kindness Imagery you shared..
You keep opening my heart, Annie B. I'm incredibly blessed to do work I love, work that gives me the opportunity to meet and get to know extraordinary generous humans like you. xoxo
This is my second time reading this and again it increases my awareness of the tender places of the heart. I’m so drawn to how you compassionately share your story, which can never be told without your families stories.
Your mother’s determination to live after unspeakable horrors is a bright light in my soul, and your ability to really, really see her softens my heart.
Her smile made me tear up, because I know that she, will all her will and strength, CHOSE that smile, even through the most horrific inhumane evils, in order to live.
So true, Tania, that our stories are incomplete without the stories of our families, the people who came before us. Important to remember that. Thank you for the reminder and for reading and for this thoughtful note. Sending blessings your way.
Thank you Julia for this beautiful piece. I love that kind, compassionate lens you have for understanding your mother and yourself. I feel so lucky to be learning from you and to be part of the Visionary Circles as I birth a mother in me, too.
Raluca, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I feel lucky to know you. You are going to have so much fun being a mommy. I look forward to getting some pictures from time to time.:)
Thank you for this beautiful article. I had no one to take my hurts to as a child so I internalised them and got used to stifling my tears, stuffing the feelings down into my tissues and cells. Now with your work I'm letting my body speak and I'm practicing making space to listen. It's coming day by day. Its hard on this journey to not fixate on the hoped for result- you want to know it will work out and you desperately want the wait to be over. I'm learning to value the journey, to hold in my heart that there is already a child here ready to be loved and cherished, and the child is me.
What a beautiful article and sentiment on mother's day. I found it helpful to think of how our parents were parented, then in turn how their parents were parented and so on.
You helped me to remember that cultivating a sense of an Ultimate Mother takes practice, as with any new habit. I like your description of reaching this awareness in stillness, particularly in a world that does not always prize quietness and rest.
Thank you for your inspiring thoughts and suggestions!
My mom lost my baby brother before I was born and I think she never went back on a side of living really, she is a fighter and she built life for us, but inside she was gone and my father was so humorous and smart, but also addict and abusive. My whole childhood was one deep long story of loneliness. This is the only thing I remember - being alone when I wanted to share joy, being alone when I was crying, being alone by being not seen, understood, met with empathy. I also stayed at home alone since I was 4y old, for hours and hours - I was so scared so I sang or invent theatre *(now I am theatre director) to sooth myself. This sense of aloneness never went away and I as much as I was craving contact, I was choosing other orphans and we were ending alone again. My whole life was one big scream: please don't leave me. And people left me and left me and left me. As I grew up I was soothing myself by soothing others - by being a mother to my friends, pets, boyfirends - offering ultimate, uncoditional love and literally having no demands or borders and I was so good at it. I would like to offer it again, siince I actually think it is a gift and is rather rare (I see it now, it felt natural), but from another place, not as the only thing I know, but as choice and with the same kindness to myslef too. I didn't learn neither to protect myself nor to offer that kind of love to myself and this is the lesson I am learning now. My lost baby and my path towards my child that now lasts 10 years is a huge, painful story, that in one moment changed me in the way that I was done with waiting to be abandoned and doing everything for everybody just to not be abanodned - and I said ok, everybody who wants to leave can leave now. Some friends just never called me back, but this time I never called back too, some relationships even I managed to end. Now any kind of relationship for me I want to be must be a mutial choice coming from love and I need to feel safe. I feel alone now, still, very much - the difference now is that I know I am actually capable of true connection - I thought before I am capable, but I havent been. My unborn child thought me that. I pray to Force-God-Ultimate Mom-Myself that I hold my baby one day in my hands.
Wow, Julia, once again you come to the core of what is this all about.... The most difficult "simple" thing of relying on Ultimate Mom and loving ourselves. I keep on forgetting to give myself kindness and softness in the way I never received it but desperately needed it - and still need it. I am learning how to do it and it's not easy but one day at the time. I start with allowing myself to slow down my normally very busy tempo of life. I allow myself to have a nap in the afternoon and stay out late with my friends when it is really fun and when we laugh a lot. I allow myself to recogonize what I'm missing and be ok with it. One day at the time. Thank you for your amazing work, Julia, that is changing our lives.
This is so beautiful, Julia. Thank you for this gentle, loving practice on a day that can bring a complex range of emotions.
Thank YOU for reading and the kind words, Rabbi Karen. Grateful for you!
What a beautiful, poignant and important essay to read on Mother's Day. I'm so lucky to have read it today.
The pictures of your mom and you and your mom and sister are just so precious and I see that fierceness of love you write about in your mother's arms and eyes.
Such a different story, but I am relating (which is what happens when we write and share to the public), I know my mother fought fiercely to be a mother too. And you know I did as well. And you helped me through your work become a mother and even named my child during a private consultation, but the naming was one of the most important parts of helping me meet my child halfway.
Your essay reminded me the thing I miss so much about my mother was her softness and tenderness. I had that.
You ask your readers to opine, Where does it hurt honey, it hurts in my heart, I miss that sweet softness and tenderness so much. That is the part I wish I could trust to rely on in myself and I recognize more than anything I don't think I can live without in my marriage. The thing I also realized is I can find that softness and trust in that everlasting tenderness through the ultimate mother within me. I can provide that kindness to myself. If only...I still struggle.
Just a beautiful, beautiful piece, starting with God as you write about the force, as a she.
The sentence ",,,the crime of being born." Catastrophic feeling, realization, described like that. No words.
Thank God your mother kept choosing life after everything and so much loss, and grief, and you pass on that message to everyone in your work, your words, your way, and you help people choose life if that's what they want and fight for it. You certainly helped me choose life when all I saw was grief everywhere, when my mother passed away, unexpectedly.
I printed this piece out and put it in my current / journal / notebook. I love when you write a piece -- always, always I learn, feel and like when I talk with you, see so many things differently.
You really open up eyes!
Your books, essays always open my eyes for sure.
Today on Mother's Day I will give myself a gift, the gift of the Kindness Imagery you shared..
You keep opening my heart, Annie B. I'm incredibly blessed to do work I love, work that gives me the opportunity to meet and get to know extraordinary generous humans like you. xoxo
So honored by your words.
Julia,
This is my second time reading this and again it increases my awareness of the tender places of the heart. I’m so drawn to how you compassionately share your story, which can never be told without your families stories.
Your mother’s determination to live after unspeakable horrors is a bright light in my soul, and your ability to really, really see her softens my heart.
Her smile made me tear up, because I know that she, will all her will and strength, CHOSE that smile, even through the most horrific inhumane evils, in order to live.
Thank you for sharing, the world needs to hear.
So true, Tania, that our stories are incomplete without the stories of our families, the people who came before us. Important to remember that. Thank you for the reminder and for reading and for this thoughtful note. Sending blessings your way.
Thank you Julia for this beautiful piece. I love that kind, compassionate lens you have for understanding your mother and yourself. I feel so lucky to be learning from you and to be part of the Visionary Circles as I birth a mother in me, too.
Raluca, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I feel lucky to know you. You are going to have so much fun being a mommy. I look forward to getting some pictures from time to time.:)
Thank you for this beautiful article. I had no one to take my hurts to as a child so I internalised them and got used to stifling my tears, stuffing the feelings down into my tissues and cells. Now with your work I'm letting my body speak and I'm practicing making space to listen. It's coming day by day. Its hard on this journey to not fixate on the hoped for result- you want to know it will work out and you desperately want the wait to be over. I'm learning to value the journey, to hold in my heart that there is already a child here ready to be loved and cherished, and the child is me.
So beautiful, Rebecca, thank you for taking the time to read and for this moving reply.
What a beautiful article and sentiment on mother's day. I found it helpful to think of how our parents were parented, then in turn how their parents were parented and so on.
You helped me to remember that cultivating a sense of an Ultimate Mother takes practice, as with any new habit. I like your description of reaching this awareness in stillness, particularly in a world that does not always prize quietness and rest.
Thank you for your inspiring thoughts and suggestions!
I also have to keep reminding myself that really does take practice. Thank you for reading and this thoughtful note, Jules!
My mom lost my baby brother before I was born and I think she never went back on a side of living really, she is a fighter and she built life for us, but inside she was gone and my father was so humorous and smart, but also addict and abusive. My whole childhood was one deep long story of loneliness. This is the only thing I remember - being alone when I wanted to share joy, being alone when I was crying, being alone by being not seen, understood, met with empathy. I also stayed at home alone since I was 4y old, for hours and hours - I was so scared so I sang or invent theatre *(now I am theatre director) to sooth myself. This sense of aloneness never went away and I as much as I was craving contact, I was choosing other orphans and we were ending alone again. My whole life was one big scream: please don't leave me. And people left me and left me and left me. As I grew up I was soothing myself by soothing others - by being a mother to my friends, pets, boyfirends - offering ultimate, uncoditional love and literally having no demands or borders and I was so good at it. I would like to offer it again, siince I actually think it is a gift and is rather rare (I see it now, it felt natural), but from another place, not as the only thing I know, but as choice and with the same kindness to myslef too. I didn't learn neither to protect myself nor to offer that kind of love to myself and this is the lesson I am learning now. My lost baby and my path towards my child that now lasts 10 years is a huge, painful story, that in one moment changed me in the way that I was done with waiting to be abandoned and doing everything for everybody just to not be abanodned - and I said ok, everybody who wants to leave can leave now. Some friends just never called me back, but this time I never called back too, some relationships even I managed to end. Now any kind of relationship for me I want to be must be a mutial choice coming from love and I need to feel safe. I feel alone now, still, very much - the difference now is that I know I am actually capable of true connection - I thought before I am capable, but I havent been. My unborn child thought me that. I pray to Force-God-Ultimate Mom-Myself that I hold my baby one day in my hands.
Sending much love to you, Marija! Here's to "true connections!" I don't doubt for a second that you're capable of them.
Wow, Julia, once again you come to the core of what is this all about.... The most difficult "simple" thing of relying on Ultimate Mom and loving ourselves. I keep on forgetting to give myself kindness and softness in the way I never received it but desperately needed it - and still need it. I am learning how to do it and it's not easy but one day at the time. I start with allowing myself to slow down my normally very busy tempo of life. I allow myself to have a nap in the afternoon and stay out late with my friends when it is really fun and when we laugh a lot. I allow myself to recogonize what I'm missing and be ok with it. One day at the time. Thank you for your amazing work, Julia, that is changing our lives.
Thank YOU for the amazing you. Keep dancing:)!!