Hi Julia. I really appreciated reading this because it closely reflects an experience I am currently going through. After losing a pregnancy and sitting with that grief, I decided to write my dad a letter, something I hadn't done in over ten years. The letter was meant to share my truth and my memories of our relationship, the hurt and the love. I didn’t expect a response; I just wanted to express myself. Less than a week later, my father replied. His letter helped me see and understand his perspective on our distance, which I had assumed and was not entirely accurate. When I received his letter, I cried deeply, not out of pain, but out of relief and regret for the time lost. I felt the anger inside me soften, and I could begin to love my father again, something I did not know I really wanted to connect to.
This piece reminds me of some difficult times my husband and I had with each other. Using some suggestions from some television marriage counselors we developed a way to communicate. There would be no extra conversation other than the agreed upon structure. There were 2 people communicating - my husband and me. I will call my husband person 1 and me person 2. Lets say person1 begins the conversation about the difficult topic. They get 5 minutes to express their thoughts without being verbally abusive to the other. They can say I statements like when you ________ it made me feel ___________. They can discuss the topic but not doing blaming or disrespectful comments. Person 2 paraphrases person 1. If person 1 needs to correct person 2's paraphrasing they do that next. Then person 2 tells person 1 "that makes sense". Then the roles reverse. This process continues until person 1 and 2 decide to end the structured conversation.
Hi Julia. I really appreciated reading this because it closely reflects an experience I am currently going through. After losing a pregnancy and sitting with that grief, I decided to write my dad a letter, something I hadn't done in over ten years. The letter was meant to share my truth and my memories of our relationship, the hurt and the love. I didn’t expect a response; I just wanted to express myself. Less than a week later, my father replied. His letter helped me see and understand his perspective on our distance, which I had assumed and was not entirely accurate. When I received his letter, I cried deeply, not out of pain, but out of relief and regret for the time lost. I felt the anger inside me soften, and I could begin to love my father again, something I did not know I really wanted to connect to.
Wow, Molly! So moving. I'm so grateful that you shared this. Thank you!
This piece reminds me of some difficult times my husband and I had with each other. Using some suggestions from some television marriage counselors we developed a way to communicate. There would be no extra conversation other than the agreed upon structure. There were 2 people communicating - my husband and me. I will call my husband person 1 and me person 2. Lets say person1 begins the conversation about the difficult topic. They get 5 minutes to express their thoughts without being verbally abusive to the other. They can say I statements like when you ________ it made me feel ___________. They can discuss the topic but not doing blaming or disrespectful comments. Person 2 paraphrases person 1. If person 1 needs to correct person 2's paraphrasing they do that next. Then person 2 tells person 1 "that makes sense". Then the roles reverse. This process continues until person 1 and 2 decide to end the structured conversation.
Beautiful Robin, a very useful way to engage with conflict. Thank you so much for sharing!